How Transferring Universities Taught Me to Stop Regretting My Decisions
Written by: Brenda Lawrence, 5th Year Health Science
Photo by: maks_d on Unsplash
“The grass becomes greener when you stop regretting your decisions and start putting your energy into where you are.”
Looking Back at Our Decisions
Have you ever made a decision that felt right at the time, only to question it months later? Not because it was wrong then, but because it doesn’t feel right anymore.
I have.
This story might appear to be about transferring universities. But ultimately, it’s about how I stopped letting outcomes define me and started trusting the version of myself who made the decision in the first place.
For students going through similar transitions, Western also offers support through Health & Wellness counselling services and Academic Advising, which help students navigate uncertainty, decision-making, and personal growth during university.
The Decision to Transfer
Photo credits: krzhck on Unsplash
In my first year, I attended the University of Waterloo. Then I transferred to Western for my second year. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy my time there, it just didn’t feel fully right for me.
When I began my second year at Western, I felt excited, ready, and confident that I had made the right choice. But as the year unfolded, that confidence slowly faded, and regret appeared.
The program I transferred to wasn’t what I expected, and I regretted the change. The new friendships I was forming didn’t immediately feel like the ones I had left behind, and I regretted the change. The routines I was building felt unfamiliar and draining. Again, I regretted the change.
Living in Comparison
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Every experience that didn’t feel as good as I had hoped became evidence that I had made a mistake. I constantly compared everything to Waterloo, and every comparison led me back to regret.
Looking back now, I realize I wasn’t really giving my new life a chance to grow. I was too busy watering memories instead of the life I was actually living.
I would spend every weekend visiting my old friends. I remember sitting in my car after one of those visits, staring at my phone and wondering if transferring had been a mistake. In those quiet moments, it felt like everyone else had stayed on the right path while I had somehow stepped off mine. I replayed old memories over and over. I even looked up how to transfer back. But I was doing all these things because I was trying to recreate those past feelings. And the more I revisited the past, the more perfect it seemed. But in reality, it only felt perfect because the present didn’t feel that way.
Understanding Regret
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What I slowly began to understand is this: just because you know the outcome now does not mean it wasn’t the right decision then.
You cannot criticize your past self for making a decision with the information you had at the time. Expecting your past self to somehow have the clarity you gained later isn’t fair.
And more than that, it isn’t kind to yourself.
Over time, constantly criticizing the past makes you lose trust in yourself and your decisions. The more you question what you already chose, the more you keep yourself living in the past.
Regret keeps you watering the past. Growth begins when you start watering the present.
Shifting My Mindset
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Instead of letting the outcome pull me deeper into regret and “what ifs,” I had to start shifting my mindset. I realized that constantly focusing on the past was only keeping me stuck there.
I couldn’t change the decision I had already made, but I could decide how I showed up for where I was. So instead of getting caught up in the past, I had to start asking myself, “Okay, this is where you are now. How can you grow here?”
It took time to pull myself out of that “grass is greener on the other side” mindset and into a “grass is greener where you water it” mindset. But that shift, choosing to water where I was instead of obsessing over where I had been, changed everything.
Western’s Learning Development & Success team also offers workshops and resources to help students build confidence, develop study strategies, and adjust to new academic environments.
Choosing to Grow Where I Was
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I began to lean into my new friendships, instead of comparing them. I became open to the opportunities in my program, rather than focusing on what it wasn’t. I allowed myself to be present, instead of mentally living in another city.
Now, I genuinely cannot imagine not transferring, and I am so incredibly grateful that I made that decision. I’ve met friends that I would consider family. Later in my program, I went on a school trip to Costa Rica. During my exchange semester, I lived in Singapore and travelled throughout Southeast Asia. I’ve grown into versions of myself I never would have become if I had gone backwards instead of forwards.
Most importantly, I learned to live in the present moment. Because the present moment is all we truly have control over. The more you try to water moments from the past, the more the grass beneath you yellows. But when you give yourself grace for the decisions you made, when you trust the version of you who made them, you begin to focus on what’s in front of you.
And that’s when life finally starts growing around you.
If I had continued wishing for my old life back, I wouldn’t have had the capacity to let in all the good that was waiting for me. I wouldn’t have been open enough to see it. I wouldn’t have been present enough to appreciate it.
If I hadn’t started watering the grass where I was, I never would have been able to dance in the field of my own life.
What I Want You to Remember
Photo credits: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
So take this as your reminder anytime you find yourself questioning a decision you once made:
- Trust yourself. Trust the decisions you made and trust that you have the ability to get where you want to go.
- You cannot regret something simply because you don’t like the outcome. Your past self made the best decision they could with the information they had.
- Water where your feet are. Because that is where it becomes greener.
Stop watering the past. Start growing where you are, and watch what begins to bloom.
And trust me, as someone who once let regret take up far too much space in her mind, there is so much freedom that comes from letting it go.
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